46

What the new year will bring the three of us, including my daughter, is anyone's guess at this moment. It's been a welcome change to have a house full of people again and hearing people live. It sure beats the quietness of the house from years past and having to rely on podcasts to feel human again. There are always going to be more adjustments for us. I feel a growing confidence that we can continue to make it work, and life will be good for all of us together.

— 45

This past year has been quite a journey for me and my household. It took a great trip with my girlfriend from northern Canada to Kelowna, a week before my birthday post last year, and I realized I never wrote about it, so allow me to use that experience as a frame for this year.

The plan to move my girlfriend from Whitehorse happened more suddenly than expected. The flight up and the drive down the Alaska Highway were planned and done within a few weeks. I’ve driven the highway alone in both directions several times. My family drove it every other year from 1990 to 1997, and then solo trips, but this was the first time with someone else.

The last time I drove south was also at the beginning of winter in the Yukon. After that trip, I swore it would be the last time I drove that damn highway. Fate had other plans. It was a shock flying from the Okanagan with golden leaves to a winter wonderland in the Yukon. The journey started shortly after landing with an hour drive south to Marsh Lake to stay in a rustic cabin Airbnb, surrounded by snow and cold temperatures.

It was a perfect Yukon night for us to reconnect and regroup for the journey ahead.

Before going to Whitehorse, I started looking for other hospitality opportunities. I had operated a consulting business since 2011, was a property manager for six years, but wanted something more stable and less stressful. The last time I applied for work was 2016. It was tedious revising resumes, writing cover letters, tracking applications, and waiting. One serious interview led to a let down a few weeks before my trip.

Another opportunity arose in early December after settling into our full household. Two interviews over two days led me back to working in a physical hotel in downtown Kelowna. Like that rustic cabin in the Yukon, there was a real sense of warmth. Nearly a year later, it still feels warm. The connection with the co-workers has been minimal compared to my first experience working for two hotels in Whitehorse, but that doesn’t matter.

The guests have stood out to me this time. Kelowna hosted the Brier in March, the men’s curling tournament, attracting visitors from the west coast to the east coast and Newfoundland for ten days. One couple gifted me and my parents tickets for a draw (four games happening at once). It was fun connecting with the attendees and hearing about the day’s games. I’ve met more international people than I imagined throughout the year, not just the summer months. I’ve enjoyed sharing stories or highlighting the Okanagan to people from countries as far away as Norway, Estonia, Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil.

Working with people and interacting with guests has reminded me why I was drawn to this business. It’s felt really good to help guests discover the city and make their stays more pleasant. I’m enjoying work once again and energized for the future.

Any experienced driver who has done the Alaska Highway will confirm that the drive from Whitehorse to Watson Lake is brutal in winter. The open roads for long stretches makes it tough to drive while the wind blows the vehicle around and snow blows across the road. Even when the surroundings are visible, there isn’t a whole lot to see. Listening to Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Doja Cat, and having a dancing Filipina in her seat makes the journey much more tolerable.

My family always jokes about how we had to cycle through the same cassette tapes (then CDs) on our road trips and could name the year based on an artist we listened to. This was a bit similar, except the music was more varied over the three days of driving. It started off slower in the mornings, but at some point in the afternoon, it become time for Doja, Rihanna, and Cardi B.

After getting through that slow stretch, you reach Watson Lake and the infamous Signpost Forest. We didn’t spend too much time there considering how cold it was, so we went to Andrea’s Hotel for some Filipino food. After a short break, it was back on the road towards Liard Hot Springs. It was slow going as the sun set, and we nearly hit a moose crossing the highway a few hundred metres from our lodge across from the springs.

After a very lousy sleep, we went to relax in the springs. The hot springs have changed quite a bit since I first visited with my family as a kid. They are a natural springs with different pools that are warmer higher up the hill. When I first visited, they were purely natural. Your feet would sink into warm mud and the smell of sulphur was strong as soon as you started walking from the parking lot. Now, there’s gravel on the bottom and large change rooms.

Admittedly, it’s more inviting for people to relax in them. However, I miss the natural allure of the springs. I was thankful that we were alone there and able to fully unwind before the next leg of the trip.

At the end of September, we decided to escape to the Island (Vancouver Island) and meet my girlfriend’s friends in Tofino on the west coast. After a short drive over to Vancouver to meet with my sister’s family, the next day was a much longer day than expected. The ferry was on time around lunch hour, and we drove up to Coombs to see the goats on the Old Country Market roof. I heard talk of road closures. It sounded like it was further north and we were heading west.

There happened to be a bad accident on the highway towards Tofino that closed it for six hours. We were scheduled to reach the hotel by 5 PM, but didn’t check in until nearly midnight. It was dark and pouring rain most of the drive. By the time we checked in, we were exhausted and thankful for a warm place to sleep.

There’s more to say about Tofino, Ucluelet to the south, and the Cathedral Grove in the middle of the island on the way back to Nanaimo. While being there for three days walking along the beaches, forests, or in the little town, I felt the power of nature. Stress melted away. I can now understand why people feel so compelled to drive three hours through a twisty highway to reach the coast.

After Liard Hot Springs, you drive through Muncho Lake Provincial Park. These two places are the highlights along the Alaska Highway for me (at least between Tok and Dawson Creek). The highway runs along the lake which is narrow with the lake a few feet to one side and a rock face on the other. Hit a patch of ice in winter, or swerve to avoid an RV in summer, the vehicle is done for.

The park’s beauty overlooks the risky drive. The mountains, located at the northern end of the Rockies, are huge and snow-capped most of the year. Animals are all over the place, from caribou and mountain goats licking up the road salt, to a large herd of wood bison lounging or gorging on the grass on the side of the highway. I have always found them to be impressive in size and how little they seem to actually do. In all the years of driving on the highway, I can’t recall seeing them move very much.

After a quick lunch at Northern Rockies Lodge (a pork schnitzel sandwich they have been making for 20 years), the highway twists and turns into Fort Nelson. Between Fort Nelson and Fort St. John, the highway is straight and full of trees, easily the most snooze-fest part of the trip. The next day is a far easier drive heading west, along the foothills of the Rockies to Chetwynd.

Chetwynd is a beautiful area, known for their chainsaw carvings that line the highway while driving through the town. The carvings were quite impressive to see and forced us to slow down as much as possible to take it all in. They started appearing after celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Alaska Highway being built and now have an annual competition each summer.

We drove past Chetwynd and reached our destination of Prince George to settle in for one last night on the road before heading home to Kelowna.

In early September, I joined a father’s group through Building Healthy Families, a local non-profit. The group involved attending weekly sessions to talk with a small group of nine other fathers and a leader. Each week had a discussion topic that we worked through as a group to become nurturing fathers.

It felt strange but good to be apart of this group. The strangeness was because I was the only father there with custody of a kid. It was difficult to relate to some of the dads who only saw their kids on weekends, or even less than that. The goodness was felt when others mentioned their challenges with their kids, mainly challenges I had worked through on my own. I felt less alone after hearing about their struggles knowing I had gone through them myself.

The discussion topics were good and the person leading it (a former pastor) was very good at opening things up to get the conversation started. It helped me identify the things I need to improve upon to be a better father and also a partner. One thing that stood out, which should be obvious, is presence. Being present and not distracted speaks louder for kids than someone being distracted and not giving full answers. I thought of myself as a good listener when with my daughter and my girlfriend. After the discussion with the group, I realized I was listening while not being fully present. I am an over-thinker and find myself holding onto those thoughts while trying to have a conversation about something else. Needless to say, it doesn’t work, and my girlfriend is quick to pick up on it.

I was skeptical about the group when I walked into a room full of strange men. After eight weeks, it concluded. I felt better with my decision to continue going each week to keep learning and having my eyes opened to the things that need to change.

As we left Prince George, we saw a lot of forgettable towns in pretty valleys. Not quite far enough north for there to be snow on the ground, but the leaves had fallen off the trees. I kept thinking that this drive would be very pretty if we had done it a few weeks earlier. It would have been similar to the way I left Kelowna a few days prior.

The one stop that is memorable is Cache Creek. The highway runs through the town with large hills on either side of it. Outside of the town, we kept seeing signs for a taco stand and thought we would give it a try after some poor meals from Fort Nelson to Prince George. It turned out to be called Taco Stand, and entirely authentic Mexican tacos.

There was a commercial kitchen doing a lot of prepared meals, a mini grocery store with items from Mexico, plus the taco stand with a large salsa/condiment bar. The flavours were amazing and the portions were good for the size of tacos we ordered. I was surprised at how busy it was when we first entered, but now I understood why. The quality of the food would be very hard to beat.

With still three hours to go and the sun setting, those tacos filled our stomachs and made sure we didn’t have to stop anywhere else before reaching home.

Since my relationship with my Filipina started, I have quickly learned that the quickest way to her heart is through a good meal. I am fortunate that she is a good cook and has helped me become better with my own cooking. She has also introduced me to much better flavours than I am used to which has led to me becoming happier after eating a good meal.

There have been countless good meals this year while exploring different places in Kelowna and the Okanagan, but also on our road trip to Tofino. Jeepney Republiq is the local Filipino restaurant which has been one of our go-to places when there is a craving. Crispy pata, adobo, isaw, and (my personal favourite) kare kare are all very good. Frind Winery is going to be a popular destination for us in future summers because of its great beach vibe. Gasthaus in Peachland is one of my parents’ favourite spots, and quickly becoming one of ours now. Then there’s Abbott Street Cafe, a place near the waterfront that we found ourselves going to almost every Sunday to relax and start our day off together this summer.

Outside of the Okanagan, I experienced Jollibee, the Filipino fastfood restaurant that is quickly expanding around the world. Much better than KFC, Popeye’s, and Mary Browns if you like fried chicken. Din Tai Fung in downtown Vancouver was incredible. The restaurant was full for lunch hour when we went there, internationally known for their soup dumplings. Highly recommended when in the area or if you are near one. Haru in Nanaimo has excellent Korean food, a great place for a meal while waiting for the ferry. I am finding myself enjoying the flavours of Korean food more and more over the last year. Definitely try it if you are tired of Japanese or Thai.

In the last year, I experienced a lot of good flavours outside of the house. My favourite meals were the ones shared with my parents with my girlfriend and daughter there. Nothing beats having a table full of people sharing a meal together and being able to share stories or laughter. I am hopeful that there will be many more shared meals together in the coming years for the special occasions and otherwise.

When I think about this year, it wasn’t the places that changed me. It was the company. Being present is harder than driving 2,500 kilometres in winter, but it is far more rewarding. The real challenge for the year ahead is learning to quiet my mind long enough to fully show up for the people in front of me.

Ryan Holiday and the Stoics often remind us that the obstacle is not blocking the path; the obstacle becomes the path. Instead of waiting for clarity to arrive, you move toward it.

To quiet my mind and learn how to be here, I began a daily meditation practice. Every morning this month, I sit in silence for twenty minutes and return to a single breath. Ten days in, I already feel something shifting. Not dramatically, just enough to notice the space opening inside me.

In one of his guided meditations, Thich Nhat Hanh says:

Breathing in, I establish myself in the present moment.
Breathing out, I know it is a wonderful moment.
Present moment.
Wonderful moment.

This year, I am choosing presence.

In addition to dedicating the year to becoming more present for my daughter and my girlfriend, I made a larger commitment to her. I promised that I would be here, and that we would build a future together when she returns from her trip to the Philippines. This past year has strengthened our bond, and we both believe we can build something great together.

I am ready.

I wanted to mention that this post was influenced by one of the best books I read this year, Things Become Other Things: A Walking Memoir by Craig Mod. Craig is a writer living and walking primarily in Japan who I greatly admire. His latest book is a walk along the Kii Peninsula in southern Japan, tracing an ancient trail and life frozen in time. Combined with brilliant black and white photography, I fell in love with this book from the first few pages. Visit his website to sign up for his newsletter or click below to purchase a hard copy of his book.

Craig Mod — Writer + Photographer

The homepage of author and photographer Craig Mod — long walks across Japan, pizza toast, books, photography, literature, and more.

Craig Mod

There will be more writing to come in this next year. I am finding a renewed energy to create and share my experiences here now that I am fully off social media apart from limited use of Facebook. If you enjoy this, please share with others. It will be the best birthday gift for me.